When any two people with separate minds, pasts, and sets of baggage come together, the future will not likely be one smooth sail into the sunset.
Falling in love can be the most joyful experience one’s life, yet we tend to underestimate the level of fear, anxiety, sadness and even anger it can stir up.
"If you both want to continue dating each other after three months, then you should use the next three months to decide if you want to be monogamous." Go slow.
There's no reason to press fast-forward, especially if you're really into this person."If it seems like a long time, it’s because this is what people who are serious about finding 'the one' do: They take the relationships seriously and don’t jump into something that starts fast, and ends on a crash and burn note." Slow and steady wins the race here. "When you mutually decide to be exclusive with each other, sit down together and delete both your profiles at the same time." You'll take the step together — and you'll know absolutely that your partner has deleted their profile, and they will know the same.
"Perhaps hiding a profile is a bit devious — but if it seems that if you know the relationship is a solid one, you’d not think twice about removing it." In other words, no one should be tiptoeing around the situation.
If it's time to stop hedging your bets, sit down and have a chat about it."When you decide to be committed, after a reasonable time where you are not seeing others, and it should be an independent decision, with no expectations," zen psychotherapist and neuromarketing strategist Michele Paiva tells Bustle.
"It still surprises me how many people delete their profiles because they don’t want to date anyone else, but their partner is still dating others because there hasn’t been a clear 'define-the-relationship' talk." So don't just delete yours and assume that your partner has done the same."People have their own timelines when it comes to being exclusive, and just because you’re ready to stop seeing others doesn’t mean the other person is ready." Of course, they might be — and once you're committed to one another, feel free to bring up your online dating presence (and theirs) and talk about it."Having coached the customer service staff of a popular online dating site for many years, I have found that many people want to hedge their bets when testing out a new relationship that began via an online dating site — that is, they do not want to completely give up the incredibly effective and efficient means of meeting new people until they are almost walking down the aisle," dating expert Noah Van Hochman tells Bustle.
"Until such a time that things are monogamous and serious, it would not be fair for either of you to make that request," she says.
"If you both believe that you are not giving the relationship a chance by not deleting them, then that seems like a fair and mutual decision." When you get to the point where it is no longer cool that you're getting 2 a.m.
That said, you certainly don't wait to wait too long — if you and your partner are ready to get serious together, it won't feel good if one (or both!
) of you still has an online dating presence, even if it's not being put to use.