" By asking someone what rules, guidelines, or statements they live by, you're asking them a question that will give you insight into how they handle everything from problems at work to conflicts within a relationship. What if one of you gets a dream job offer in Seattle, but you had previously agreed to stay close to your families?If you really think about it, could you put your life ethos into words? Likewise, if your spouse's mother needs to either go to a nursing home or move into your home, are you willing to give up time and resources to allow that?Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage?Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.Decide now who can or wants to stay home with kids, who can make a career sacrifice and for how long.
Personally, though, over time meeting with engaged couples, I've come up with a few questions that you absolutely must ask your partner before you take the plunge into marriage. Take my list as a starting point and go from there as you start to have marriage-focused conversations in your relationship. This question is extremely important and often difficult to answer, especially if a relationship has already become too physical.I haven't made it down the aisle quite yet (that's another article for another day) but as a wedding planner, I get to talk to many newly engaged couples.Does one of you make a list of pros and cons, and the other just follows their gut?Respect is in some ways just as important as love, and if you can't respect differences (even the little ones), your relationship will suffer.This is a question to ask both yourself and your partner.Chances are, if you've been in enough failed relationships, you know that love just isn't enough to sustain a relationship forever, let alone a marriage.The book is based on the premise that each of us wants one main thing out of a relationship: Words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch.To determine yours or your partner's love language, ask yourself what you complain about or how they respond to you and other people.If one of you is religious and the other isn't, you have to learn to truly respect their beliefs and not just secretly think that your partner is way off base.Relationships are hard, marriage is harder, and both become nearly impossible when you don't have much else to go on other than love.